


Talk Me Down

by icelar



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Doubt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, Stormpilot, TFA - Freeform, finn's gotta lotta probs in this one, poefinn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5807608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icelar/pseuds/icelar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn is so goddamn tired of crying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Me Down

Poe was out on an extended mission.

It was nothing major, really, they were just out to get supplies from allies, but he was in charge of the back and forth transportation of the goods, the bargaining, etc.. Poe had been away on missions like this one before—just not when Finn was apart of his life. 

Finn learned that he had separation anxiety when it came to Rey and Poe. So since Rey was away for training, he was used to clinging to Poe while he was bed ridden from his injury. They basically had to rebuild his entire damn spine—which is not an easy task—and he had to learn how use his new one. Because of the intense amount of pain he was in every time he tried to walk, they didn’t allow him to go on missions. Finn didn’t protest anyways because he knew wouldn’t be able to walk right for several more months.

Poe had been in relationships before and he had plenty of friends, so separation anxiety wasn’t really a thing that he’s ever worried about. He still felt really bad every time he had to leave Finn, though. That's why when Finn heard that Poe would be away for two weeks he wanted to cry. Finn had an irrational fear of being alone again like he was when he was a stormtrooper. There was no physical contact allowed on Starkiller base, no friends, basically being human wasn’t even allowed.

Poe tried to console him every time he left— _I’ll be back, I promise you_ , he’d say to him, giving Finn gentle kisses on his face, _there’s no way you’re getting rid of me that easy_. That usually calmed Finn’s nerves the slightest bit. Finn knew this mission wasn’t life or death. He knew Poe would return in two weeks, safe and sound, no problem, but the bed was cold when Poe wasn’t there. Finn had to wake up from his nightmares all alone. He had too fall back asleep by himself.

He hated it.

That’s why when Poe returned, he was planning on clinging to him like a lifeline. Poe exited the X-Wing and went straight to his quarters. Finn practically squealed with excitement when he saw his boyfriend, who’s face was slick with sweat and dirt, still half-dressed in his flight suit.

Poe smiled, leaning down an placing a sloppy kiss on Finn’s forehead, “You’re happy to see me, aren’t you?”

“You have no idea,” Finn sighed, “I’ve barely moved from this bed since you left. Physical therapy has been terrible, it’s taking a lot out of me.”

Poe notices the bags hanging under Finn’s eyes, “Have you been sleeping?”

Finn’s smile noticeably falters, “I’ve been…trying. I’ve been getting a lot of shadow pains in my back, like someones ripping my spine out. Plus…” Finn looks away from the pilots’ eyes, afraid to discuss his nightmares.

“The nightmares?”

Finn lets out a shaky breath, “Yeah, the nightmares. It’s difficult to go back to sleep without you. I know you probably thinks it’s dumb—”

“I would never think that’s dumb, Finn,” Poe frowns, feeling kind of offended that Finn would even consider Poe feeling that way, “you’ve been through a lot, it’s to be expected.”

Finn feels tears burn his eyes and decides to just drop that conversation, “So, how was the mission?”

“Boring. Lot’s of bargaining and deals, lots of me bossing people around. I’m dirty, I’m gonna go shower.” Poe gets up from his position beside Finn’s bed and makes he way to their broom closet of bathroom.

Finn can feel the slight anger radiating from Poe. He hates it when Poe is angry, so he doesn’t say anything. After he hears the bathroom door shut and the shower start, he lets go. Finn cries when he’s really confused or scared. He’s even weaker now than he was when he found Poe. Finn’s hands shake as he wipes the tears from his cheeks and he sobs into his rough pillow. 

Finn is so goddamn tired of crying.

He doesn’t notice when Poe exits the bathroom, or when Poe asks what’s wrong and places Finn into his lap and tried to comfort. He does notice when the older man starts to quietly sing him a song, his voice soft and gentle. Finn’s slowly begins to calm down as he breathes in the smell of Poe’s skin, his face burrowed into the crook of his lover’s neck. His sobs become tiny hiccups and his tears come to a halt.

“I’m sorry, Poe, I’m sorry,”

“Sush, it’s alright. Just…you need to tell me when you feel like this. You can’t get through these things alone, buddy.” 

Finn looks up at the older man with sad eyes, and Poe can see the pain and helplessness in them. He holds Finn tighter to his chest and continues to hum the quiet song until Finn falls asleep in his arms.

____

Finn didn’t have any nightmares that night.

He woke the next morning with his head on Poe’s chest, with his feet dangling off the end of the bed. His eyes were sore and there was a bit of drool on his lip, but he was well rested so he didn’t care. His heart melts when he looks up at Poe. His pale pink lips were slightly parted, and his dark curls fell messily over his face and Finn felt like he couldn’t breathe because someone as perfect as his lover could be with someone with as much baggage as him.

And holy shit, he loved Poe so much.

Finn stayed still for what felt like hours until Poe finally woke up, rustling around on the creaky mattress. Finn looked down at him and smiled. Poe smiled back, running a hand over Finn’s short hair, “Good morning sunshine,” Poe said, his voice gravelly. 

Finn’s stomach tightened at the roughness of the mans voice, his heart beat speeding up slightly, “Good morning,” 

Poe’s fingers grazed over the back of Finn’s neck, pulling him into a deep kiss, “How’d you sleep, baby?” He asked after pulling away.

“Really well, actually…no nightmares.”

Poe smiles, “I noticed,” he runs his thumb over Finn’s bottom lip, “I didn’t get to tell you I missed you yesterday.” 

Finn feels like his chest could collapse with the amount of anxiety that was weighing him down, but he wouldn’t tell that to the pilot, so all he saw was “I missed you too.”

“I also wanna ask you…what happened last night?” 

Finn refused to look him in the eye, so he stared at his collar bones. Poe didn’t really have a chance to get dressed last night so he was only in his underwear, “What about last night?”

“What happened to you? Why were you upset?”

 _Because I feel nothing but crippling fear and anxiety that I’ll end up alone. Oh, and I kind of hate myself just a little bit, but it’s okay, I’m all right_.

But he didn’t say that, so he lied instead, “I dunno, just…overwhelmed, I guess. I hadn’t seen you in a while and I thought you were mad about something I said.”

Poe raised and eyebrow, “I wasn’t mad, Finn. I was just a bit disappointed that you thought I’d consider your problems _dumb_.”

Finn’s face burns with embarrassment, “I don’t _have_ any problems.”

Poe lets out an exasperated sigh, “Finn, you do have problems, and that’s fine. That’s to be expected with all the stuff you’ve gone through in the past months—”

Finn rips himself away from Poe’s hold and looks away from him, “I’m fine! Get that in your stubborn head, dammit!” In his head, Finn is screaming at himself for yelling at his boyfriend like this, but his skin is burning hot with anger.

“Finn, theres no need to shout,” Poe places a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder, but Finn quickly pushes him off.

“Y-you…you don’t understand! You don’t, and you can’t!” Finn tries to get out the bed and walk away but he’s stopped by the pain shooting up his spine and falls over, his face smashing against the concrete floor. 

Finn starts crying again.

Poe leaps from his place on the bed to come to Finn’s aid. There’s blood gushing from the former trooper’s nose and a bruise that’s forming on his cheek right underneath his left eye. Poe attempts to lift the man, but is shoved away, “Leave me! Just fucking leave me!” He screams. Tears are running hot and fast down his face and his entire body is shaking. He feels like he’s in one of his nightmares, but this isn’t a nightmare.

This is real.

Poe’s chest aches at the sight of his lover laying on the floor, slowly falling apart. He just wishes Finn would tell him how he could help, “Finn, I’m gonna help you to the bed, okay? So I can clean you up.” He says. Finn doesn’t respond.

Poe lifts him onto the bed anyways, sitting him up again the wall with a pillow, as not to hurt his back any further. He goes to the bathroom and comes back with a damp towel and tissues. He wipes the dried blood away from Finn’s lips and holds a wad of tissues underneath his nose to catch the blood. Finn is still shaking, but he takes Poe’s hand tightly into his.

“I-I didn’t m-mean to y-yell or get s-so m-mad with you…I’m s-so s-sorry, p-please don’t be ups-set with me,” Finn stutters.

“No, no baby I’m not mad, I’m just…I’m so _scared_ for you, I don’t know how I can help you through this,” Poe wipes Finn’s tears with his fingers, “I love you and care for you, so much, and I want you to be okay, that’s all I want.”

Finn’s heart swells at the word _love_ because Poe loves him regardless of how he’s been acting and that’s enough to calm his nerves so he could actually talk, “I…I’m afraid to be alone again, I never want to be alone.”

Finn places his hand over Poe’s, which is resting on the younger man’s cheek, “I won’t let that happen, I won't _ever_ leave you, and that’s a promise. I’m a man of my word.” Finn hoped those words would cause a shift in himself. He had hoped as soon as those words left Poe’s mouth that the weight of his fears would lift and then simply vanish. 

But that didn’t happen, and the weight was still there.

 _He’s lying_ , Finn’s thoughts rang, _he’ll realize how fucked up you are and get sick of you. He’ll leave_.

Finn squeezed his eyes shut and tried so hard to stop thinking these things, but he couldn’t, “I…I want to believe you…”

“But you can’t,” Poe frowns, “I understand. These things take time. Just know that I love you, okay? Just believe that.”

And Finn does, and he loves Poe right back.


End file.
